Day 23 and 24 of what I am thankful for...

Today I am thankful for my family. I spent the last two days disconnected from the digital world for the most part and instead spent some quality time with the loves of my life. My kids performed a new Thanksgiving Dance and song for me and Billy which what HI-larious by the way and we enjoyed our day the way it was meant to be. I feel bad for all the people who chose instead to stand in the cold in long lines just to save money on a tv they didnt really need in the first place or other material things. I had a much better time in the warmth of my home basking in the warmth of my family and in the end thats all that matters. But now, I must go check my emails. Two days without checking them is about to take up an hour of my time... oy vey!

Day 22 of what I am thankful for...

Today I am thankful for the ability to be thankful. It is easy to forget all of the things we have to be thankful for when life is serving us a bunch of crap pies and all. But I know that no matter what is taken from me I will always be thankful and happy with what I've still got

Day 21 of what I am thankful for...

Today I am thankful for anticipation.... Sometimes it is easy to forget what it feels like. Life is as boring as usual and so you go through each day already knowing what to expect from the next. Then all of a sudden something comes along out of nowhere and just knocks you right off of your feet. I have to say that each time a new surprise comes along I usually dread it. I have learned from past experience that most times, surprises are unwanted and usually end up doing more harm than good. But every once in a while an unexpected surprise comes your way and all you can do is just go with it. Now that I remember exactly what anticipation feels like, I have to say that I have no clue what to expect from tomorrow and I am quite fine with that. In fact, I can't wait to see what it brings :)

Day 20 of what I am thankful for...

Today I am thankful for relaxation. It doesn't happen all that often for me. I did clean for a good portion of the day but I eventually just sat down. And I didn't do anything. I got off my computer, I turned off the TV and I just sat there. The next thing I know Lisa is waking me up. I am so busy all of the time with school, family, work, and everything else under the sun that I forget how great it feels sometimes to just shut everything off and not do anything. I think I am really going to enjoy this break.

Day 16, 17, 18, and 19 of what I am thankful for....

Today I am thankful for vacations and late night talks. Sometimes we all need a break. So I took one. I drove down to AZ with the kids and my best friend Lisa. We got to spend time with friends, I had the chance to reconnect with family, and I even met some new interesting people. We got to do things we hadn't done in a while and for the first time I got to do that sister thing that happens when you share a room with your best friend and you get to talk all night. I hope everyone's weekend was as great as mine 

Day 15 of what I am thankful for....

Today I am thankful for road trips. They can be a therapy just on their own. Tomorrow I'm going to go get me some of that :)

Day 14 of what I am thankful for...

Today I am thankful for the here and now. I could dwell on what happened yesterday or all of the things in the past. I could be worrying about tomorrow or what the future will bring, but for now I am just going to smile and relinquish the moment of now. The kids taught me how to play Little Big Planet Karting, we watched some Christmas movie they chose and they fell asleep on top of me. After I finished peeling them off and laying them down I finished cleaning.... This is the life I tell ya :)

Day 13 of what I am thankful for...

Today I am thankful for sweet irony. I guess everything happens for a reason, but the irony of it all is that I couldn't have planned better if I had tried. I have been in school now for what seems forever. First I got a degree in education. I found out halfway through that degree that I had been enrolled in the wrong class and my degree plan had me set to graduate with a degree in psychology. SO a lot of work and a few extra classes later I had my education degree. Then I moved onto my secondary education degree. It has been a long road and I am almost done. Some months ago though I had started to rethink the career I wanted for myself. Broken feet have changed a lot for my future and not being able to stand for long periods of time will be an obstacle. Im pretty sure teaching is probably a no go.  So I started thinking about what I am good at, where my strengths are and what I could do with an education degree that wasn't teaching. I came to the conclusion that working as a therapist, counselor, or child psychologist might suit me. Maybe a social worker or working with neglected or abused kids is something that actually excites me. But since I was so close to the end of this degree there was no point in changing now. So I figured I would get my masters in social science or child psychology. You know within a few years I would have the career I want. Today my counselor called with bad news. In fact he was actually really scared to tell me in light of me requesting a break for the things happening in my life right now and the thought of adding more bad news to my plate just seemed horrible for him. So what's the news you ask? It turns out that I am in the wrong degree program. I am 4 classes away from finishing my degree in secondary education which is what my degree plan says but some numb nut screwed up. In actuality I am about to graduate with a degree in social science with a concentration in child psychology.... I really can't make this stuff up. Thank you sweet irony for always being there when I seem to need it most :)

Day 12 of what I am thankful for....

Today I am thankful for all of the Trevin Hunte's of the world. There are many people like him out there. People who have been told by important people or role models in their lives that they will never be anything. Each time, these human beings are having their spirit shattered. And yet, the Trevin's of the world just use that as their motivation to be something better than anyone ever imagined. Every time we get to see a Trevin using all of the negative energy as fuel for their fire, it inspires us all to keep pushing forward too. Today as I sit here and watch Trevin triumph once again I smile because I know somewhere out there is a woman who is eating her words. And every time she sees him on TV and hears his amazing voice, she is just sitting there getting served. So if someone says you can't do it, do it anyway and add a little flare. If they tell you that you don't matter, don't rest until you find the one that says you do. Somewhere out there I believe that person exists for everyone, you just have to find them. And if they tell you that you are not worth the energy, put your energy into something more deserving and remember that one day they will all eat their words :)

Day 11 of what I am thankful for...

Today I am thankful for the 8 years I spent as a military wife. I remember for a long time I hated being a military wife. It felt like I was saying goodbye more often than I was getting to stay, I could never get comfortable with anything, because I knew that at some point the military would change their plans for my family, and it was hard to be dependable to anyone when everything was constantly changing. Being a military wife meant home was where the Army sent me, not necessarily where my heart was. For a while there, I got wrapped up in the negative aspects, wishing for it to end but knowing it wouldn't. I was constantly explaining to my children why there father was gone, why we didn’t have that many friends, and why all of our furniture had cracks. It was exhausting to say the least. But over the years I finally got used to the idea that I had to make every second count, so I stopped wasting them. I realized that at any moment the military could take away a best friend, so I loved them as hard as I could while they were there. I knew there was no point in getting attached to furniture that would just get damaged in the next move, so I stopped worrying about the things I had, and started caring more about other more important aspects of life. I got accustomed to sleeping alone, so the nights he was there were just that much sweeter. The day he got out of the military I remember finally being able to breathe again. It meant that finally things could start to get normal. But now I know that nothing is ever really normal. Being a military wife prepared me for real life, for hard times, and crying children asking why their daddy is gone. Thank goodness for the military, because those 8 years were really just preparing me for this. 

For all of my military wives out there, I love you

Day 10 of what I am thankful for...

Today I am thankful for time. The funny thing about time is we all have the exact same amount. We all say we don't have enough and wish we could have a little more but either way, time keeps moving, so if we dwell on not having enough, we have just wasted a little more. Sometimes it is hard for me to fathom all of the things I pack into one day but all the while I am constantly aware that my time is running out. So I don't dwell on things I can't change, or all of the dumb things I see people doing because quite frankly I don't have time to worry about the time they are wasting. Besides the best gift you can give to anyone, especially your children is your time. No amount of money, appeasements, or trinkets will ever mean as much as taking time out of your day and giving someone your time. I find that I give away so much of my time to so many others that there is rarely ever any left for me but either way I am whole because even if it is the only thing I am able to give, I know how much it is appreciated. I'm wasting time just writing this post about being thankful for time so I will end this with one last thought. If I could ever give anyone advice it would be this. Stop worrying about how everyone else wastes their time. All you can worry about is how you use yours.

Day 9 of what I am thankful for....

Today I am thankful for Mike. He is an annoying prick sometimes. He is hard headed and he thinks he knows it all. But he is an amazing dad, a loving husband, and my friend. He always finds a way to make me laugh and I know he always has my back. I frustrate him just as much as he frustrates me but we always call each other out on our bullshit, adjust as needed, and keep it moving. In a world where we are all just trying to improve ourselves, we all need a friend like that in our lives. Someone who isn't afraid to tell you you are acting like an idiot and then pat you on the back an tell you how much they care. If you don't have a friend like this yet, you should probably get on that because I am thankful every day that I have found mine.

Day 8 of what I am thankful for...

Today I am thankful for dirty dishes, piles of laundry, stuff to dust, beds to make, and carpets to vacuum. Sure I wish 30% of my day wasn't a bunch of housework. I would much rather be playing with Charlie, chasing the kids around, at the park, or taking a bath, but like anything else it's gotta get done. I dread the idea that I will spend 3 hours folding all of the loads and putting it away. I dread knowing that tomorrow I have to finish cleaning the mess in the art room. I am not looking forward to cleaning up the kitchen after dinner tomorrow or vacuuming at the end of the day. But I realize this just means that I am fortunate. I am not worried about not having enough food and I have the means to provide wonderful meals for my family. We have clothes on our back, plenty of creative projects to keep us busy, and a place that we call home. My life now is a far cry from the days when I was homeless and trying to find a safe area to sleep every night. Back then there were no chores, no dishes to wash, and no messes to clean. I guess I’m thankful that I get to wake up every day and clean because it’s better than having nothing at all. :)

Day 7 of what I am thankful for…

Today I am thankful for all those who have abandoned me. And I know what you are thinking right now…. I know it sounds crazy. But although being abandoned is always a painful process, it is one I have become accustomed to. You see, I have been abandoned so many times by so many people; people I loved, friends, family, at times even by myself. I was abandoned by own mother before I was even born. I have been abandoned by so many that I spent a good portion of my life de-valuing myself. Most of us have been abandoned at some point so we all know it is painful as hell. And yet we keep trusting anyway. I for a while thought it was because we are gluttons for punishment. But eventually it all began to make sense. From the moment I entered the race, the odds were stacked against me. I was at the starting line being told by the world that there was no point in running. But I ran anyway. And even though the race has been long at times and I have fallen so many times, I still keep getting back up. And even if I reach the finish line and the world still tells me I failed, it won’t really matter. That was never the point anyway. I’ve learned that I have nothing to prove to anyone. I’m running this race for me and because of all those that have abandoned me along the way, I am seasoned, I am faster, and I run the race smarter. Besides, I can’t give up now! In the words of Stuart Smalley, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me."

Day 6 of what I am thankful for...

oddly enough, today I am thankful for tears. I by no means enjoy crying but there is something so unique about tears. This last week I have cried harder than I ever imagined I would. And for the first few days they were painful and exhausting tears. Tears are like built in therapy, they have this way of washing away the pain. Then I started having moments that were so profoundly amazing and touching I found that the tears began to fall again but for totally different reasons. I haven't cried in a couple of days now. Although I imagine I will still have moments where I'll have to rely on tears to wash away the sadness, I'm not afraid of those moments of weakness. I have learned to embrace them because tears remind me that I am still human, that I am here, and that I can still feel. Right now that feels like a whole lot. :)

Day 5 of what I am thankful for….

Today I am thankful for hard times. In my opinion, they don’t get the credit they deserve. You see it is the hard times that make us who we are. They mold us into strong, independent, and humble people. They remind us to never become to content. They are there to slap us back into reality and shake us to our core. No one enjoys hard times but they are a necessary part of life. Without them we would overlook all of the good things staring us in the face. Most often these good things are small, but no matter how small, they are the things that get us through the hard times. Every day we are just writing the story about our lives and any good story involves a comeback. We all root for the underdog without really knowing why. But I will tell you that we root for the underdogs because in the end we are all just underdogs being told we are not good enough. But in the end we come back, we persevere, and we are stronger and better because we did. And every time we do this, we make our story just a little bit better and even more worthy of a happy ending. :)

Day 4 of what I am thankful for....

I had already planned this in my mind. Today I was going to thank Noel for all of her beautiful words of encouragement. For a week now I have woken up to some beautiful message of strength and it has been those words that I have carried with me throughout the day. Somehow they have made me strong. However, instead I today have to thank my children again. I remind myself that I have every reason to cry right now but they are always there reminding me of all the reasons I have to smile. Today I took some post it notes off the wall. Notes that have been there for a while now. At the end of the day the kids must have noticed I had taken them down and decided to write me a new post it note. It says, "you are doing a good job. You are good at being brave." Today, and for the rest of my life that post it note will mean more to me than all the ones I took down. Abigail,Christopher, I love you both from the bottom of my heart. YOU are my strength and because of you my future will certainly be bright :)

Day 3 of what I am thankful for....

My best friend Lisa. Together we have a friendship that I will always cherish. Granted it is never perfect, but the one thing we have never asked of each other is perfection. Instead we are always there, cheering each other on, picking each other up, and always there through the tears and the laughter. As I face a new chapter in my life, I know that the one thing that won't change is you by my side, always there in the smallest and largest of ways. I am sometimes down but you are here to remind me that I am never out. And because of all of this, I will always be there to do the same for you. :)

Okay, Day 2 of what I am thankful for...

Amy, Amy, & Janelle. The three of you are giving me strength in ways you don't even realize. I miss you and love you and can feel all of your love and support even from so far away

Day 1 of what I am thankful for....

Day 1 of what I am thankful for.... my children, that kind of love cannot be faked. Being your mom has given me a purpose, a reason to wake up every morning and keep moving. I am thankful that after the week I have had that I am still standing. Without you, I could not have made it. :)

9/11 Dawn of Hope

It was barely dawn

When the world came crashing down.

No one uttered a single word

They barely made a sound.

The world just stood there frozen

In awe of what was lost.

Innocence crumbled at their feet

The line had just been crossed.

The tears may fall, as the ashes settle

But there is no need to cry.

From the ashes we are lifted

As Americans we rise.

When the smoke has settled

And the gloom has cleared.

We must hold hands and show

And remain united through the fear.

Hope is never lost

Even when all else is gone.

When in the face of fear

We band together and sing this song.

The tears may fall, as the ashes settle

But there is no need to cry.

From the ashes we are lifted

As American’s we rise.

Victory

What I'm going through isn't easy

and frustration has set in fast.

But there's no time to look back

and try to dwell on the past.

I hurt and sometimes felt defeated.

I've cried and I've even pleaded.

But I can't quit cause I'm a fighter.

I will find a way to make this load lighter.

We all have to lose before we can win.

Regain the strength to start over again.

We have to cry before we can smile.

We have to struggle, but it's all worthwhile.

We have to hurt in order to be strong.

We must keep up the fight when things go wrong.

If you can keep on trying and believing in yourself now and then

Then you will be guaranteed victory in the end.

Coward

In a familiar place I sit, 

disheartened and downtrodden.

I fight the urge to admit

my failures unforgotten.

I reach forward as if to touch 

with childlike hands, too small

to grab a hold of something sturdy

to give myself a peaceful balance.

I quell this urge to express

my heavy heart compressed

feeling a sense of shame

but there is no one left to blame.

So, I choose the cowards hand

and opt to sit instead of stand.

For fear that once my thoughts expressed

will gain for me just more distress

which for now I could not bear

and there is no one around to share

my heave load but me alone,

isolated and far from home.

Nightmares

I look outside my window

just to remind myself there's rain.

Its just a small reminder

there's no comfort from the pain.

So, I sit inside my room

to try and really sleep.

But still the nightmares come to haunt me,

inside my head the monsters creep.

As the tears run down my cheek

I look up and see a light.

Then my eyes just close again

and in my head its night.