Free like a wildfire and Crazy like the moon

“You only need one man to love you. But him to love you free like a wildfire, crazy like the moon, always like tomorrow, sudden like an inhale and overcoming like the tides. Only one man and all of this.” 

― C. JoyBell C.

This man I have found is so hard to put into words. And maybe its because there are no words to truly describe just how beautiful, honest, and true he really is. But there is one thing I know for sure. Without a doubt he rocks my world. Yet, he does it in the simplest of ways. It's not fancy dinners or over the top romantic gestures. It isn't elaborate gifts or unnecessary material things. But instead, every night this man is here showing me in the smallest and largest of ways that he is here to stay. That he will be the man I can look to, trust in, and find honest and the purest of love with. The truth is, that's all I have ever really needed. To know that I could let down those guards I have built up. To know that I could let go of all of the fears that come with being vulnerable to another person. To know that there is no reason to doubt what the future might hold. To have a man I could love like crazy and who would set my soul ablaze free like a wildfire. With this man I am now so aware of all of the things I have always needed and wanted and the funny thing is, I had no clue what I really needed until now. It turns out it's him. And so now I am about to turn off my laptop for the night and fall asleep resting in the arms of a man that I love so deeply and when I close my eyes tonight, I'll know one thing with absolute certainty; he loves me just as deeply. For that I thank you baby. :)

Sweetness

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

— Louise Erdrich

Sweetness is a part of life. In my opinion there is nothing sweeter though than tasting nothing but bitter apples and then one day finding your first sweet one. Its so much better than all of the past experiences that you savor every bite. You're afraid to eat it too fast but your afraid its sweetness will fade if you wait too long so conflicted you consume it with as much restraint as possible. This person I have found has changed me in so many ways in such a short period of time that it amazes me. I am more free than I think I have ever been in this world and for the first time I am excited to sit by this apple tree and continue to taste as many as I can. Each day with him, each new apple seems to only get sweeter. Sure there are still some bitter apples thrown into the bunch but that's just life. It will always work that way. But every time I think of him there is a sweetness that I can't begin to describe. Its a natural, pure, sweetness that is so unique it makes everything taste that much better. If I am lucky he will continue to come as often as he can and each time he does show me how sweet this life can be. 

WTF Just Happened?

You know sometimes you're walking around minding your own business and then BAM! Life smacks you with something unexpected. Sadly that happens to me on a constant basis but I'm used to all of the smacks being a bad thing. I've grown used to the painful moments so I find myself caught off guard when the good things happen. But today was different, today I jumped. Today I allowed myself to live. It was pretty scary I will admit. But they say big risks come with big rewards. So I took the risk and I allowed myself to plunge into the unknown. I didn't expect much of anything in return. I expected him to run quite honestly. That's what a normal person probably would have done. Thank goodness for me that he is far from normal. Thank goodness for me that I happened to find someone quite extraordinary. Last night we embraced each other and it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. There is nothing more special in this world than to feel love and to feel loved. Its even more rare when you have imagined yourself to be unlovable your entire existence. But last night was one of the top 5 beautiful moments of my life. Last night I found a person who looked at me with passion in his eyes and for the first time I could really see myself. I had no idea that I was this beautiful.

The Journey

                                          

"Life is a journey and if you fall in love with the journey, you will be in love forever." -Peter Hagerty

This journey... I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty excited about it. Not because like most chicks who often get caught up on the end result and where it all will lead but because of where it is right at this very moment. I'm one who delights in those long walks in the rain, strolls along central at 3 am, and drives that have no real destination. I delight in the journey and all of the sights along the way, each moment that builds to another day, and every conversation that slowly reveals just a little bit more. Who knows were anything will lead though? I mean honestly... if someone told you today that the person you're with at this very moment would break your heart terribly 10 years from now would you walk away or wait for the heartbreak? There are a lot of people who would avoid the heartbreak but to those people I would say reconsider. Heartbreak no doubt sucks but what about all of the beauty along the way? I don't need to know what’s around the corner or what is going to happen a year from now. I'm just too excited about the here and now, I'm too focused on the small simple moments, and I'm just more interested in the small delights along the way to really care to worry myself over what will be... So stop over thinking things so much. Stop worrying yourself about tomorrow, next week, or next year. Those days will come they are right around the corner, but if you keep focused on what’s around the corner you are going to fuck up the beauty right in front of you.